Reckoning in Real Time: What It Takes to Interrupt Harm and Repair Relationships
Guest blog post by Elizabeth Woodson, Executive Director of Reckon With
A Designated Fund of Philanthropic Ventures Foundation (PVF), Reckon With, accompanies European Americans in the ongoing work of acknowledging and repairing racial harm—within ourselves, within our families, and within the institutions we help shape every day. With a mission rooted in courage, honesty, and the belief that repair is both possible and necessary.
Many who care about justice and democracy feel disheartened right now. We are witnessing the destruction of decades of legal infrastructure that advanced and protected basic civil rights, the use of the military to harass and deport community members, and the threat of cutting SNAP and other support systems that the government has committed to providing.
But there is much that remains within our control to change – and for “white” people who care about equity and democracy, much that is within our responsibility to enact.
More “white” people are learning about injustice, and are taking external actions like phonebanking during elections. Both are necessary. But do we respond with curiosity and love to our uncle at the dinner table when he makes a racist comment? No. Do we engage the colleague that we sit next to every day at work? No.
Reckon With aims to change this. We match our participants into peer groups of 3. All are racialized as white. Groups also share other peer experience, such as being parents of young children, or working in tech with mostly white colleagues, or class background, or religious affiliation, living in a rural community with many neighbors who identify differently politically etc. Groups meet weekly or biweekly for 90 minute sessions. Because Reckon With’s focus is on implementation, groups meet without a facilitator. The goal is to support our participants to do two things: change the narratives they are ingrained with and change the systems they are embedded in. We now have almost 100 participants in 23 states from Alaska to Maine, Colorado to Florida.
Our narrative change work is grounded in a daily practice where each participant tries to see, instead of avoid, the numerous times each day when a false narrative of racial hierarchy emerges in their thoughts and reactions. In that moment, participants text their groupmates (some groups have chosen a specific emoji, or a short phrase like “Noticed one”.) During meetings, groups process through one of these instances to better understand what myth was at the source of their thought, where that myth originated and why, what inequitable systems it has sustained over time, and what is actually true in reality. Doing this daily practice helps participants practice acknowledgement at the most molecular level: interrupting these harmful false ideas within ourselves. No matter how much we care and learn, we can’t avoid these false narratives. But we have the power to build the muscle to interrupt them. Then we can dismantle their harm in ourselves and in our communities.
Repairing racial harm is challenging, but it is not a mystery. Consistent peer community helps us do things that our conditioning prevents us from. Although our reckoning work must be in all 365 days of the year, the holiday season provides a great chance to practice. Reckon With participants use a 4-step process to engage with family gatherings at this time: 1) Inventory: who will be there? How has this gathering gone in the past? What role have I played in that outcome? 2) Vision: a year from now, how do I hope this gathering will look, sound, feel? What about in 10 years? In 100 years for my descendents? 3) Tiny next step: what is in my control to try now that can help shift things towards my future vision? 4) Aftercare: a week after the gathering, what action can I take to nurture this relationship, knowing that change requires ongoing care?
We just saw this with the Thanksgiving holiday last month. As a result of this practice, one Reckon With participant texted the host asking if they could include an acknowledgement of the violence committed against Native People on the land where they would gather, and invite attendees to contribute financially to their Tribe’s work. The host surprised our participant by saying yes. Instead of springing it on them in real time, the participant was able to co-create an experience of truthtelling that had buy-in from the beginning. Another participant reached out in advance of the gathering, also asking if they could do a land acknowledgement. They got a surprising answer: the host did not want to do a land acknowledgement because they feel they are performative. This participant now has a chance to have a deeper conversation with this family member about what tangible action they can work on together so that next year’s gathering does include something meaningful. These examples show how possible changemaking is when we focus on the systems that we are already embedded in, and approach our relationships with curiosity and care, whether that is our family or our workplace.
“White” people doing this kind of long-term, relationship-based organizing is vital. But it has been absent. For generations. Scholars Eddie S. Glaude and Peniel E. Joseph document three revolutions of this cycle in US history, where Black communities achieve massive structural transformation that brings our nation closer to democracy, and then white communities organize to derail that progress: Reconstruction (1865-1877), the Civil Rights Movement / Black Freedom Struggle (1954-1968), and the Black Lives Matter movement (2014-2024).
The next major achievement that Black communities will win in the United States is likely to be comprehensive federal reparations. What are we doing today to ensure that this future victory will be sustained? Reckon With is focused on the reality that every day, we get to choose whether or not we act or we stay silent, and if we engage with care or with disdain. No law, and certainly no president, can stop me from responding with love and curiosity to my mom or my colleague. The only impediment is ourselves.
If you are “white” and interested in getting support to translate your values into daily action, I invite you to sign up to become a Reckon With participant. And for folks who are not racialized as white but have those in your community who are and would benefit, please share our invitation.
